Monday, April 29, 2013

Jason versus Season of the Witch

The world needs a really good medieval horror movie. Season of the Witch isn't it. I will be brief.

14th-century knights transport a suspected witch to a monastery, where monks deduce her powers could be the source of the Black Plague.

First off, don't make a movie called Season of the Witch and not have the main baddie a witch. That's blatant false advertising. A big fuck you to the audience. Spoiler alert, by the way.

Second, don't let Nicolas Cage play a Knights Templar. Ever. That's like casting Keanu Reeves in a Dracula movie. It's something you just don't do.

Thirdly, fuck this movie. Hard. Aside from some good lines by way of Ron Perlman, a few snazzy visuals and the hotness of Claire Foy as the witch who isn't a witch, this flick is a total waste of time. It annoyed me. Worse, it bored me. Don't bore me, movie!

Ugly.
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2 comments:

  1. Shawn here. I endorse this review. It's as if I wrote every single word, myself! I agree completely! haha.

    This only solidifies my dislike for nick cage.

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