Friday, December 21, 2012

Jason and Shawn review The Hole and Airborne

The Hole

Jason: In many ways, The Hole is more of a tribute to 80s cinema than J.J. Abrams' Super 8. For one, it's directed by one of the finest purveyors of 80s movie making -- Joe Dante. You know, the guy who made Gremlins, Explorers, and Inner Space? Hell, when it comes to horror, this is the dude who made the original Howling and Piranha

But is this movie any good? Yarp. The creepy kid and creepy doll sequences are beau-coup scary. Actually, this movie really took off for me when the ghost of the dead kid AND the creepy clown were introduced, almost simultaneously. Actually, every horror sequence in this movie works. Flawlessly.

I admit, I'm a bit too old to fully enjoy The Hole. This would be a perfect flick for someone in his early to mid teens. Hell, even the jail bait that is Haley Bennett is cast strictly to entice young male viewers. 

That said, my son will love this shit when he is old enough to fully appreciate it. And I know I will watch this again with him, and that rates a Good in my book.

Shawn: Nickelodeon does horror. 

Hey, this movie had a butt-load of potential. It had some fantastic imagery in some spots, a good bit of hair-raising moments. However, the look and feel of the actors was all wrong. It brought what looked like a feel-good kids' movie into the wrong genre. There were some strange plot holes, and odd behaviour. 

This could have been a shorts shitting movie had they made it a bit “grittier." Otherwise, it was just a YTV movie that bordered on horror and abuse. I’ve watched too many of those. I have to give it a Bad.


Shawn: I went into this movie dragging my heels, and my guitar in my lap, for distraction purposes. Just in case. A movie set mostly on a plane. Woot. Feel the energy and excitement. Woot.

BUT you know what? This movie came around! I was pleasantly surprised. Mark Hamill was a secondary character. He is a flight control supervisor trying to save the plane from multiple assailants, including the spirit of some EVIL Japanese GOD! How are you going to save it? …Use the force, Luke! 

Naw. A pleasant surprise that I may even watch again. Bad acting and all. Gotta give it a Good!

Jason: Poor Mark Hamill. He hasn't got any respect since Star Wars, and even then everyone knew Harrison Ford was the man. He seems pretty wasted here, in that he has nothing to do. Whether or not he was sober during the shoot isn't any of my business.

Airborne is very contrived. A flight full of red flags, a plot to steal some valuable artifact AND some kind of evil Chinese god? Sure. I know movies are supposed to be bullshit, but I can't even suspend my disbelief enough to believe that all this shit could go down at once.

This movie isn't bad to the ass at all. It's just bad and ass. I'm not even going to give it a Bad, actually. It wasted my time, so it's an Ugly.

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