I don't even know where to begin here, so I'm just going to start. I am a huge Dario Argento fan. Suspiria is my favorite movie of all time. I have the ballerina tattooed on my arm! I'm very sad after watching this.
This is a standard Count Dracula story done in the worst possible way. We all know the story and yet... they found ways to make it incoherent and ridiculous.
The cast acts like they don't want to be there, and even that acting was a stretch. Absolutely nothing makes sense. It's a jumbled mess. I blinked at one point and there was a 7-foot tall praying mantis. I'd like to blame it on the wine, but I got independent confirmation it was there.
After watching this, I don't think I will ever watch another new Argento. I will go back to the classics. Avoid this movie, revisit Suspiria, Deep Red or anything else. This movie was a mistake.
My rating is Ugly. A very sad, painful Ugly. Just don't do it
You can follow Suzanne on Twitter at @Flyye01