Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Shawn, Steven Seagal and Triple Threat Sunday!

So Jason and I love to make fun of Steven Seagal.  Dude made some bitchin' B movies in the 80s and 90s only to never return to his true form. Sadface.

It got to the point where he even stopped doing a lot of his own fighting. In some movies, a fighting double, (who Jason and I hope to speak with this coming season) can clearly be seen.

Do I watch his movies to see a body double do his fight scenes?  No, I do not.  I watch Steven Seagal movies to watch Seagal spiral fracture arms and perform small circle throws and disgusting joint manipulations. Basically, to fuck people up! He isn't the greatest actor so I watch strictly for his mastery in Aikido.

This past Sunday, I hit up Netflix and took in a triple threat of Seagal's newerish un-seen-to-me stuff.  And one I had.

Ticker (2001):  Stars Dennis Hopper (playing a mad bomber) and Tom Sizemore, who has been in some phenomenal movies, as the "main" character. Seagal is secondary but  ... insert mysterious background martial arts expert here. Not much martial arts. Bad. Hopper saved this one from an Ugly.

The Keeper (2009): Where Seagal is a cop, but also a ... insert mysterious alphabet organization background. He's also a martial arts expert here. Seagal is hired by an old friend to watch said friends' daughter. Didn't mind this one, but still a Bad.

 And finally, I watched Marked For Death (1990) again. Seagal takes on Jamaican drug dealing voodooers. Haha! Awesome. And a Good.

I also took in a documentary about Seagal's extensive training and teaching in Aikido.

As a martial arts practitioner all my life, it is hard not to respect the man.  Even though we make fun of him now, as many others too, he is still The Man, albeit a whole bunch more of a man, but The Man nonetheless.  He revitalized all of the martial arts movies you've seen from the 80's and inspired a whole bunch of them since. With some help from Chuck Norris, of course.

My nickname in high school was Seagal.  I have it on the sleeve of my grad jacket, which means I'll likely watch every Seagal movie that comes out until he's dead. There are still a few I haven't seen, and no matter how much they suck, I'll still suffer through knowing my hero, Fat Seagal is in them. Haha!


  1. Yea, you're not going to get much else these days besides Fat Seagal. Honestly, I haven't seen any of his straight to video crap. I believe that last Seagal movie I watched was the one with Ja Rule in the prison. I remember nothing about it except a helicopter crashing inside the prison.

  2. Jason here. My last one was with DMX, and it was OK. He had yet to develop his passion for spaghetti either, I do believe :)

  3. We must not forget that he was in Machete... That marriage of Fat Seagal and Rodriguez was actually pretty sweet.

  4. Shawn Here. @ Dusan..yeah. It was pretty cool. Made me smile.

  5. If you liked those than you'll love this new commercial: http://youtu.be/4hUDUU2GD6I