Sunday, August 30, 2015
Sunday Night at the Movies: Crawl or Die
So how does Ward's ode to beasts, boobs and blood -- yup, hot chicks galore in this monster flick -- stack up now that Basement eyes have finally seen it? Stick with me!
Crawl or Die, AKA Crawl Bitch Crawl (love that title, by the way), stacks up pretty good actually. Some have called it the most claustrophobic movie ever made, and I get it. As someone who has a hard time taking an elevator ride, there are sequences in this movie that were hard for yours truly to watch. Why? Because I felt like I was trapped in the tiny dirt tunnel way too far the fuck underground with the main characters, that's why. Asshole!
Some pretentious twats might bitch at the lack of story and character development, but I grooved on it. I felt like I was air dropped into the middle of this shit storm along with the characters, which I think was the point. Crawl or Die plays like a slice of a worst possible scenario, and I applaud that. We take this awful trip alongside the characters, and that's part of what makes work.
Speaking of characters, I dug me the shit out of Tank, played by the delectable Nicole Alonso. She's our hero of the piece, and could give Ripley and Sarah Connor a run for their money. She's tough and smoking hot, and even strips down to her skivvies at one point, giving us plenty of hot chick macho eye candy to enjoy. She's like my ultimate bad ass hottie screen crush.
I have plenty of different screen crushes, for the record. But Alonso, call me!
Crawl or Die certainly isn't for everyone. But it's a perfect end of the week -- or start of the week, as the case may be -- B-movie to be enjoyed over or a beer or three. It's got action, gore, suspense, and a bad ass chick with a killer mohawk. What more can a guy ask for? Not much!
Does this owe a lot to Alien and Aliens, right down to the creature design? Sure, but I got over it and had a good time. You should too!