Skip to main content

Insomniac Theatre: Horrors of Spider Island (1960)

Ah, the 1960's- the era of exploitation films.

Ah, the 1960's- the era of cheesy, campy horror movies.

Ah, the 1960's- the era of "Horrors of Spider Island"...

A New York agent gathers up a group of dancers for a show in Singapore.  En route, their plane crashes on a small island where a professor was mining uranium.  Soon, the agent is bitten by a radioactive spider, and begins to stalk his young, sexy prey...

This is very much the sort of cheese you'd find at 2:30 am on a crappy local cable station while you can't sleep.  This German exploitation film is a horror from start to end.

First off, the story could potentially avail itself to a decent story.

But it doesn't.  There's no real story... or real logic to the flow of it, to be honest.  It focuses on the "sexy" rather than the "scary"... but doesn't quite pull off either.

Don't ask about the characters, as there is very little to them.  Once again, there is more of a focus on the "sexy" than the "character" of the character... unless you consider constantly forgetting about the dead & missing people, AND the man-spider running around a character trait.  The female characters are more concerned about getting a bit of "happy time" with the male characters than not dying.  But, in its defense, this IS an exploitation film after all...  Yay, patriarchy!  Yay, toxic masculinity!

I really don't want to think about the visuals.  Palm trees in New York, a plane that changes appearance three times, with it's final form being a burning WWII bomber crashing into the sea.  A huge spiderweb made from ropes.  A comical spider that's more inclined to strangle its prey than bite it.  A man-spider with a face that's more reminiscent of a cheaply made Phantom of the Opera mask.
Take the image below, construct it out of oatmeal, and you have an idea of the spider face.

This movie deserves all the mockery it gets in my opinion.  It's just a horror of a movie.  It's very much an Ugly.


Popular posts from this blog

#CocktailHour: Slushtail

  Summer approaches, inspiring thoughts of sunshine, backyard parties, and having a tip and sip with friends.  With that in mind, I bring you this week sunny beverage. To make a slushtail, mix a can of frozen orange juice, a can of frozen lemonade (or limeade), a can of pineapple juice, a couple cups of black tea (or English Breakfast), and two cups of bourbon- such as Southern Comfort, in a pitcher.  When it's all nicely mixed, put it in the freezer until it's a nice slushy consistency. Scoop the slush into a cocktail glass, and pour in some Sprite or 7-Up.  Add a little umbrella for some frivolous fun, and a straw. Voila!  Ready to enjoy. This is a very refreshing drink.  The fruit juices, Sprite, and bourbon- when chilled makes for a great punch-like drink.  The bourbon doesn't overwhelm juices.   In fact, they are all nicely balanced in terms of flavors.  The sourness of the citrus fruits contrasts well with the slightly sweeter Southern Comfort.  It was refreshing enou

Marcus Flor vs Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

In film, there's nothing I enjoy more than passionate creativity. Compared to the sea of mediocrity surrounding it, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is practically overflowing with it. This animated movie is vibrant, kinetic, and extremely inventive with its art style. On top of all that, this is just a solid movie. It tells its story with sincerity and tact, always focusing on the important aspects of Miles' emotional journey. The script wastes no time on pointless scenes or moments, which also gives the film an energetic rhythm that draws you in. One of the other great aspects of this movie is its reinvention of the Spider-Man story. It's clever writing demonstrates a true understanding of the webslinger, and offers commentary on the current state of his movie adaptations. In the end, you get a film both Spidey fans and non-fans can enjoy. Above all other aspects, what I like most about Spider-Verse is how fun it is. It demonstrates quality animation and filmmaking doesn

Run, Bandit, Run: "Bandit: Bandit's Silver Angel" (1994)

  Tuesday rolls around with clear skies, clear lakes, and clear highways.  Along the long stretches Smokey can be found chasing the Bandit... and adventure follows close behind. After his uncle passes away, Bandit finds himself helping a beautiful widow keep their carnival afloat. But all is not as it seems with this carnival.  It hides a secret... a shiny, glittery secret that others would kill to keep for themselves... " Bandit: Bandit's Silver Angel " sees the 1990's TV movie series based on the original "Smokey and the Bandit" films come to a close.  And to be honest, it wasn't a bad send-off for the series. Brian Bloom once again brings a pleasant charm and playfulness to the character of Bandit.  While Donald O'Connor didn't get a lot of screen time, he brought quite a bit of humour to his character as Uncle Cyrus, and gave a solid impression that he's one of the few characters that could easily outwit Bandit.  Traci Lords in the role o